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MACBETH    TRAVESTIE. 


IN      TWO      ACTS. 


BY    W.    K.    NORT  HAL  L, 


Author  of  "  The  Magic  Arrow,"  "  Virginias  Travestie," 
"  Old  King  Cole,"  &c. 


WITH  THE  STAGE  BUSINESS,    CAST  OF  CHARACTERS, 
RELATIVE  POSITIONS,  ETC. 


■A 
of 


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NEW  YORK: 

WILLUM  TAYLOR  &  CO.,    No.  2  ASTOR  HOUSE, 

AND  JARVIS'  BUILDINGS,  BALTIMORE : 

Boston :  Redding  &  Co.— Philadelphia :  S.  G.  Sherman.— Pittsburgh : 
J  W.  Cook.— Char'eston  :  Amos  Head.— Cincinnati :  Robinson  &  Jones. 
—Mobile:  M.  Boulleraet.— New  Orleans:  J.  C.  Morgan.— Louisville:  J. 
H.  Peuton.— D.  M.  Dewey,  Rochc.ler,  N.  Y. 

PRICE     12    1-2    CENTS. 


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BURGESS,  STRINGER,  &  CO. 

Have  in  press  and  -svill  shortly  publish,  that  gifted  seres  of  Sto- 
ries of  the  Elizabethan  era,  entitled 

THE  SHAKSPEARE  NOVELS, 

Which  on  appearing  in  London  created  so  deep  a  sensation,  and 
met  with  such  great  and  deserved  favor  at  the  hands  of  the  pub- 
lic.    They  will  be  issued  in  the  following  order  : 

I. 

THE  YOUTH  OF  SHAKSPEARE, 

In  which  the  genius  and  godhke  endowments  of  the  great  Bard 
ore  traced  from  their  first  budding  to  fullest  effulgence — embo- 
died into  one  of  the  most  dramatic  and  striking  historical  romances 
ever  penned. 

II. 

SHAKSPEARE  AND  HIS  FRIENDS, 

Comprising  the  Poet's  associations  and  friendships  in  riper  years. 
This  book  is  a  perfect  "  Noctes"  of  its  time ;  it  is  a  complete 
key  to  an  acquaintance  with  the  bright  galaxy  of  contempora- 
neous writers  of  that  Augustan  age  of  English  literature,  of 
which  Shakspeare  was  the  precursor. 

III. 

THE  SECRET  PASSION, 

Still  more  widely  developing  the  leading  characteristics,  govern- 
ing principles,  and  passions  of  him,  to  whom  all  offer  incense. 
This  work  supplies  a  world  of  intelligence ;  it  is  beautiful  and 
endearing  throughout — worthy  of  its  sweet  title  every  way. 


The  above  oooks  will  appear  in  the  order  announced,  and  the 
publishers  rely  upon  a  support  from  the  pubhc  that  the  true  me- 
rit of  the  productions  will  be  found  to  deserve. 

BURGESS,  STRINGER,  &  Co.,  Publishers, 

222  Broadway,  Cor.  Ann  St.  New  York. 


'••".■.  4'W^^ ^^^S^  ^c^^^ 


MACBETH    TRAVESTIE. 

Yc  ti\  your  .-kniiiy  iliuuibo  ii|)oii  your  iiose — "' 

Act  I.  Scene  I. 


MACBETH   TRAVESTIE. 


BY    W.     K.    NORTHALL, 


Author  of  "  The  Magic  Arrow,"  "  Virginius  Travertie," 
King  Cole,"  &c. 


WITH    THE    STAGE   BUSINESS,   CAST  OF  CHARACTERS. 
RELATIVE  POSITIONS,  ETC. 


MWWM'^^Arf^i^^'M^iMWWWMMMAiW 


NEW     YORK: 
WILLIAM  TAYLOR  &  CO.,   No.  2  ASTOR  HOUSE. 

AND    JARVIS    BUILDINGS,    BALTIMORE. 

1847. 


PREFACE. 

This  Travesrie  was  written  for  the  Olympic  Theatre,  New 
York,  and  was  first  played  at  that  establishment  on  the  16th  of 
October,  1843.  It  met  with  great  success,  ha\'ing  drawn  crow- 
ded houses  for  several  weeks.  This  success  was  undoubtedly 
owing,  in  a  great  measure,  to  the  inimitable  acting  of  Mr.  Mit- 
chell, who  performed  Macbeth  in  his  own  peculiar  st\-le — half 
tragic,  half  comic,  half  Macready,  and  half  funny  Mitchell.  The 
vision  of  the  wooden  dagger,  and  the  ludicrous  horror  with  which 
Macbeth  looks  upon  his  bloody  hands  after  the  murder  of  Dim- 
can,  were  points  that  (to  use  a  technical  phrase)  told  amazing- 
ly, and  proved  the  manager  to  be  also  the  true  artist.  He  was 
ahrairably  supported  by  his  highly  talented  company,  amongst 
which  Mrs.  Booth  deserves  honourable  mention  for  her  perform- 
ance of  Lady  Macbeth.  Throughout  she  ably  maintained  that 
comic  gravity'  so  essential  to  burlesque  acting. 

The  author  of"  Macbeth  Travestie*'  lays  no  claim  to  anv  H- 
terary  pretensions  respecting  the  piece — his  effort  was  merely 
to  devote  a  few  leisure  hours  to  aid  in  developing  the  talents  of 
the  Olympic  company,  and  thereby  in  a  ven,'  small  degree  to 
be  a  contributor  to  the  '•  laugh- and-grow-fat"  stream  which  is 
continually  flowing  from  that  temple  of  Mirth. 


M24562 


CAST     OF     CHARACTERS. 


As  originally  performed  at  the  Olympic  Theatre^  Oct  16, 1843. 

Macbeth Mr.  Mitchell. 

Macduff  . 

"    Graham. 

Banqiu)     .         • 

"    Clark. 

Duncan     .        • 

♦*    Everard. 

Malcolm    .        • 

♦*    Dennison. 

Lennox      .         • 

'•    Dunn. 

Rosse         .         . 

*'    Jackson. 

Seyton       .                 < 

**    Levere. 

Officer       . 

"    M'  Kean. 

Fleance     .        •        . 

Master  Taylor 

Hecate       .         , 

.     Miss  Taylor. 

First  Witch 

.     Mr.  Nickinson 

Second  Witch    , 

.     Mrs.  Watts. 

Third  Witch     . 

Miss  Clarke. 

Lady  Macbeth  . 

.     Mrs.  Booth. 

Oentleivoman     , 

Mrs.  Everard. 

EXITS  AND  ENTRANCES. 

B.  means  Right ;    L.  Left;    R.  D.  Right  Door;    L.  D.  Le/t  Door; 
8.  B.  Second  Entrance;  U.  E.  Upper  Entrance ;  M.  D.  Middle  Doer. 

RELATIVE  POSITIONS. 
B.,  means  Right;  L.,  Left;   C,  Centre;    R.  C,  Right  of  Centre  j 
L.  C,  Left  of  Centre. 


MACBETH     TRAVESTIE. 

ACT     I. 
Scene  I. —  View  of  a  Vacant  Lot, 

Three  Witches  discovered, 

1st  Witch.  When  shall  we  three  meet  again  1 
Thunder !  [Thunder, 

2d  Witch.  Lightning!  [Lightning. 

3d  Witch.  And  a  drop  of  rain.  [Rain, 

1st  Witch .  Where  hast  thou  been,  Sukey  1 

2d  Witch,  Feeding  swine. 

3^  Witch.  Molly,  where  thou  1 

\st  Witch.  A  Loafer's  wife  had  peanuts  in  her  lap. 
And  cracked — and  cracked — and  cracked! 
Give  me,  quoth  L    Oh,  get  out,  now — she  nuttily  did  snig- 
ger— ... 
Her  husband  is  a-fishing  gone  with  a  great  fat  nigger ; 
And  in  a  boat  I'll  to  him  roll. 
Without  a  cent  to  pav  the  toll. 
I'll  go  !— ril  go  !— I'll  go! 

2d  Witch.  1  can  raise  the  ^^^nd. 

3d  Witch.  And  I'll  put  down  the  dust. 

\st  ^^^^tch.  I  guess  that  I  can  do  the  rest. 
See  what  I've  got. 

2d  Witch.  Show  me  !   show  me  ! 

1^^  Witfh.  Here  I  have  a  Mermaid  Fee^ee  : — 
And  here  another,  which  is  N.  G. 

[Distant  march  with  drum.,  R,  u.  E« 

2d  Witch.  A  drum  !   a  drum  ! 
Macbeth  doth  come. 

All.  We,  rag-pickers,  hand  in  hand, 
In  every  city  of  this  land, 
There  do  go  about,  about. — 


MACBETH    TKAVESTIE.  [Act  I. 

Thence  with  rag-3 
3d  WitcJc.  Do  nil  our  bag's, 
IstWttch.  To  se]]  again 
All.  To  paper  nien. 
IstWifch.  Peace,  it's  all  cleared  up. 

Enter  Macbeth  and  Baxquo,  r.  u.  e. 

Mac.  Command  they  make  a  halt  upon  the  green. 
So  hot  and  cold  a  day  is  seldom  seen. 

Ban.  How  far  is't  now  afore  us  ? — hut  who  the  devil 
have  we  here, 
Whose  Vvdthercd  looks  do  make  their  mugs  look  queer  ? 
Ye  are  not  women  of  the  world,  I'll  boldly  say, 
Yet  on  the  earth  ye  live  from  day  to  day. 
Say,  if  1  do  question,  will  ye  promptly  answer  1  — 
Are  you  a  woman,  marm,  or  are  you  man,  sir  ? 

[TJie  Witches  jput  fingers  to  their  noses. 
Ye  fix  your  skinny  thumbs  upon  your  nose,  and  take  a 

sight, 
As  though  you  understood ;  and  understood  aright. 
Ye  should  be  women,  each  having  on  a  bustle, — 
But  reason  and  conviction  hotly  tussle. 
Your  beards  forbid  that  I  should  call  you  fair ; 
And  blow  me,  if  I  know  exactly  what  you  arc. 

Mac.  Speak,  if  you  can,  and  tell  us  what  your  name  is. 
\st  Witch.  All  hail  to  thee,  Macbeth,— hail  to  thee,  Thane 

of  Glamis ! 
2d  Witcli.  All  hail  to  thee,  Macbeth,— hail  to  thee.  Thane 

of  Cawdor ! 
SdWitch.  All  hail,  Macbeth,  vrho'll  be  next  King  in  or- 
der ! 
Ban.  [To  3IacI)cfh.]  Why  do  you  start  ? — for  fear  there's 
little  ground ; 
There's  nothing  frightful  in  so  fair  a  sound. 
Say,  can  you  look  into  the  seeds  of  time — foi-  there's  a 

monstrous  lot — 
And  say  which  gi'ain  will  grow,  and  which  will  not  ] 
If  you  cannot  speak,  why,  tell  us  with  a  nod ; 
Or  if  vou  won't,  we'll  ask  old  Laurie  Todd. 
1st  iVifch.  Hail ! 
2d  Witch.  Hail! 

2d  Witch,  Hail  I 


Scene  I.]  MACBETH    TRAVESTIE.  9 

IstJVitcJi.   Taller  than  Macbeth,  though  not  so  fat. 

2d  Witch.  And  not  so  happy, — but  you  can't  help  that. 

3d  Witc/i.  You  can't  be  King. 

IstlVite/i.  But  you'll  get  one  -without  fail, 

AIL  So,  all  hail,  Macbeth  and  Banquo,  hail !   hail!  hail! 

[  Gobig. 

Mac.  Stay,  unfinished  speakers — your  story  lame  is  i 
By  Sinel's  death,  1  know  I'm  thane  of  Glamis, — 
But  how  of  Cawdor  ? — and  as  for  being  King, 
I  have  no  chance  or  j^rospect  of  the  thing; — 
Tell  me  why,  then, — in  face  of  open  day. 
You  try  to  stuff  me  in  this  blasted  way  1 

[Wit dies  va?iish,-R. 

Ban.  The  earth  hath  bubbles  as  the  South  Sea  had, 
And  these  three  lots,  I  b'lieve,  are  just  as  bad. 
There's  speculation  in  their  rise,  I  do  declare. 

Mac.  What  seemed  corporeal,  has  melted  into  air. 
There's  somethinpr  in  the  wind, — would  they  had  staid — 
Y'our  children  shall  be  kings,  1  think  they  said. 

Ban.  Y^ou're  to  be  King. 

Mac.  Of  Cawdor,  too,  the  Thane. 

Went  it  not  so  ? 

Ban.  The  tune  and  words  were  just  the  same. 

Enter  Macduff  and  Rosse,  r. 

Macd.  The  King,  Macbeth,  has  felt  the  blows 
By  which  you  gave  the  quietus  to  his  foes. 

Rosse.  And  we  are  sent  to  thank  you  as  we  ought. 
And  herald  you,  most  noble  sir,  to  court. 

Macd.  That  he's  in  earnest,  judge  by  this  soft  solder,— 
He  bade  us  gi-eet  you,  sir,  as  Thane  of  Cawdor. 

Mac.  The  Thane  of  Cawdor  lives  ;  and  do  you  suppose 
I'll  let  you  dress  me  thus  in  his  old  clothes. 

Macd.  Who  was  the  Thane  is  yet  alive,  but  then 
He  is  in  jail  and  can't  get  out  again. 

Alac.  Glamis  and  Thane  of  Cawdor! — the  King  is  very 
kind — 
But  the  best  of  this  fine  ta/e  yet  hangs  behind. 
{To  Banquo.)    Do  you   not  hope   your  children    will   be 
kings  ? 

Ban.  The  devil   sometimes  tells  truth  in  trifling  things, 
To  lure  us  'till  he  nabs  us  in  a  toil. 


10  MACBETH    TRAVESTIE.  [Act  I. 

Cousins,  I  would  speak  apart  with  you  awhile. 

[  They  retire  up. 

Mac.  Fancy  is  busy  sketching  in  this  disti*acted  head. 
The  outlines,  I  do  perceive,  of  murder  in  a  bed. 
If  I  know  what  to  think,  may  I  be  shot, — 
For  nothing  is,  I  vow,  but  what  is  not. 

Ban.  Look  how  our  partner's   wrapped  him  in  his  Car- 
tan  plaid. 

ISIac.  If  chance  will  have  me  king,,  why   chance,  the 
saucy  jade, 
May  crown  me  if  it  will,  if  there's  no  harm  meant. 

Ban.  New  honours  come  upon  him,  like  a  garment 
Which  hangs  but  loosely  on  the  wearer's  back, 
And  looks  for  all  the  world  just  like  a  sack. 
\Adi-anccs?[   Worthy  Macbeth,  upon  your  leisure,  sir,   we 
stay. 

Mac.  Give  me  your  favour:  my  dull  brain  was  bothered 
With  things  old  time  had  long  since  smothered. 
Of  your  pains,  kind  sirs,  I  keep  a  strict  account, 
And  reckon,  daily,  up  the  large  amount. 
Let  us  to  the  King,  and  may  I  beg  \To  Banquo, 

That  for  the  present,  we  do  not  stir  a  leg 
In  this  stranofe  business  : — but  when  we  meet  ajrain. 
Speak  our  free  hearts,  like  open-hearted  gentlemen. 

[Exeunt,  r. 

Scene  II. — A  Landscape.     Music  and  Flourish. 

Enter  King,  Malcolm,  Donaldblaix,  g«^  Court,  preceded 
by  Chamberlain,  l. 

King.  Is  execution  done  on  Cawdor  ? 

MaL  The  Captain,  sir,  was  'headed  by  your  order. 
Before  he  died,  my  liege,  he  very  frankly  said. 
In  life's  toss  up  he  played,  and  lost  his  head. 
As  for  death,  my  lord,  he  didn't  seem  to  mind  a  sous  about 

it; 

For  hastening  to  be  gone,  he  left  his  trunk,  and  went  ahead 
without  it. 
King.  Pysiognomy's  a  humbug,  for  one  cannot  trace     - 
The  mind's  construction  in  a  tutored  face. 
This  gentleman,  until  his  treason  bursted, 
To  any  reasonable  amount  I  w^ould  have  trusted. 


fectNt   ill] 


MAGBtXH    TKAVfcSXit.  11 


£;i^er  Macbeth,  Baxquo,  and  Lennox,  r. —  Macbeth  and 
Banquo  kneel  to  Khig. 

All,  worthy  coz,  I'm  glad  to  see  you  here,  my  tight  *un, 

The  weight  uf  my  ingratitude  to  lighten. 

Had  you  less  merit,  I  vow  to  goodness  gracious 

Mv  means  of  recompense  had  been  more  spacious. 

I  must  take  the  two-third  act — or  find  some  other  way, — 

For  more  is  due  to  thee  than  I  can  ever  pay. 

\_Raises  and  embraces  Macbeth.. 
And  Banquo,  too,  we'd  place  within  our  breast. 

yRaises  and  embraces  Banquo. 
Ban.  "  There,  in  that  bosom" — but  you  know  the  rest. 
King.  Listen,  all !     I  would  have  it  known  throughout 
the  land, 
That  my  son  Malcolm,  now,  is  Prince  of  Cumberland. 

[Flourish.     All  bow. 
From  hence  to  Inverness,  and  make  us  more  your  debtor. 
Mac.  The  which  honor,  I  will  inform  my  wife  by  letter. 
On  second  thoughts,  I'll  bear  myself  the  joyful  news ; 
So  humbly  take  my  leave. 

King.  My  worthy  Cawdor,  accept  of  our  adieus. 

Mac.  [Aside.]  Malcolm  Prince  of  Cumberland  !  that  is 
a  rise 
Which  I  must  o'erleap,  for  in  my  way  it  lies. 
Stars,  go  out — see  not  ray  eye  winking  at  my  hand  : 
A  wink  will  do  for  those  who  understand.  [Exit. 

King.  Come,  let  us  after  him  whose  care  has  gone  be- 
fore ; — 
To  be  behind  his  welcome  indeed  would  be  a  bore. 

AIR. — King.     (**  Some  love  to  roam.") 

Now  let  us  roam,  to  see  his  home, 

Oh,  merrily  forth  we'll  go  ; 
So  in  time  let's  thump,  and  with  hop  and  jump, 

Let  us  cut  away  just  so. 

Ho!  ho!  ho!  ho!  &c.  [ExeunU  R' 

Scene  III. — A  Chamber. 

Enter  Lady  Macbeth,  r.,  reading  a  letter. 

Lady  M.  *'  They  met  ?ne  in  the  day  of  success,  and  I  de- 
clare, 


IS  MACBETH    TRAVESTIE.  [AcT  I. 

Ere  I  could  speak,  they  vanished  into  air. 
Whilst  I  stood  wrapt  in  wonder  and  my  plaid^ 
A  message  from  the  King  arrived,  which  said 
To  this  effect : — he  hailed  me  Thane  of  Cawdor  ; 
Which  at  first  appeared  a  little  out  of  order, — 
^ut  the  Witches  before  had  told  me  the  same  thing— 
And  added,  too — they  soon  ivill  hail  thee  King.^^ 
Glamis  thou  art,  and  Cawdor ;  and  shall  be 
What  thou'rt  promised,  or  I'll  raise  a  spree. 
Yet  I  do  fear  thy  nature  when  I  put  thee  to  the  test, 
So  full  of  the  milk  of  kindness  is  thy  breast, 
And  not  the  sky-blue  stuff  that's  brought  from  Goshen — 
But  rich  and  thick ;  a  quart  would  lactify  an  ocean. 

Enter  Seyton,  l. 
What  news  ? 

Sey.  The  King  to-night  comes  here. 

Lady  M.  Art  mad — or  art  thou  drunk  with  beer  ? 
Your  boss  is  with  him  ;  and  he  wouldn't  go  to  bring 
A  stranger,  without  due  notice — especially  a  King. 

Sey.  I  don't  know  how  that  is,  marm  ;  but  this  I  know — 
The  Thane's  a  coming  ;  a  fellow  just  told  me  so, 
Who  arrived  in  haste,  with  just  enough  breath  in  his  body 
To  tell  his  message  out,  and  call  for  whiskey  toddy. 

Lady  M.  Give  him  tending — let  him  have  his  drink,  of 
course. 
He  brings  great  news.  [Exit  Sey  ion,  l.]   The  raven  him- 
self is  hoarse, — 
And  croaks  out  Duncan's  coming  in  a  style 
That  makes  one  wish  for  horehound  candy  all  the  while. 
Come,  spirits — brandy,  rum,  or  gin,  unsex  me  here, 
Or  fill  me  from  crown  to  toe  with  potent  beer. 
Come  then  to  my  womarts  breast,  thou  murderer's  crew. 
And  when  you're  bent  on  mischief,  this  much  do  : — 
Take  my  milk  for  gall,  and  throw  it  slap 
In  the  peering  eyes  of  any  curious  chap. 
Who,  looking  through  the  thick  blanket  of  the  night. 
Might  cry — hold  !  hold  !   with  all  his  might. 

Enter  Macbeth,  l. 
Great  Glamis,  I  am  transported  with  your  news — 
And  almost  see  you  now  in  Duncan's  shoes. 

Mac.  My  dearest  love,  the  King  will  lodge  with  us  to- 
night. 


Scene  IV.j  MACBETH   TRAVESTIE.  13 

Lady  jSI.  When  goes  he  hence. 

Mac.  To-morrow,  if  report  speak  right. 

Lady  M.  Never  !     Your  face,  my   Thane,  is  a  book 
which  does  disclose 
Strange  sentiments,  by  its  eyes  and  nose. 
Look  like  the  time,  and  take  a  glass, — 
'Twill  help  to  make  the  creeping  sluggard  pass. 
Bear  welcome  in  your  hand — your  tongue — your  eye. 

»Mac.  Let's  in — we'll   talk  again  of  this,  dear,  bye  and 
bye.  [Exeu?Uf  r. 

Scene  IV. —  The  Gate  of  tie  Castle. 

Enter  King   Malcolm,  Donaldblain,  Banquo,  and 
Court,  l. 

King,  This  castle  hath  a  pleasant  seat ;  the   air   is  fit 
for  royal  suction. 
And  recommends  itself  without  a  foiTnal  introduction 
Ban.  This  guest  of  summer,  the   large  blue-bottle  fly, 
most  plainly  shows 
That  they  approve  the  smell  of  your  most  royal  nose ; 
For  on  each  jutting  pimple  a  fine  fat  fellow's  flown, — 
And  without  a  'kerchief,  sir,  that  goodly  feature's  blown. 

Enter  four  Ladies,  c,  and  range  two  on  each  side,  Lady 
Macbeth,  foUou-ed  by  Seyton  with  a  icand.  hady 
Macbeth  comes  forward. 

King.  See,  see — our  honoured  hostess  comes  this  way. 
Mrs.  Macbeth,  where  is  the  Thane  of  Cawdor,  pray  ] 
We  would  have  been  first  with  all  our  heart, 
But  our  No  Go  did  give  him  quite  a  start. 
The  Fergusons  are  full,  and  we  are  in  a  weary  plight, — 
So,  Mrs.  M.,  with  your  leave,  we'll  lodge  \\nth  you  to-night. 
Each  member  of  our  suite  will  take  his  post. 
Your  hand,  fair  lady  ;  conduct  me  to  mine  host. 

ATR.— King. 

For  we  love  him — we  love  him — and  who  shall  daro 

To  chide  us  for  wishing  to  taste  his  fare ; 
I've  thought  of  it  long  as  a  hungry  prize, 

I  have  wished  for  some  meat,  aud  longed  for  some  pies. 

[Exef/nf  marchings  c. 

6 


14  MALBLTii    TKAVtiilL.  [AtT  I. 

Scene  V. — A  Chamber  in  ^lachetJis  Caatle. 

Enter  Macbeth,  thou glii f ally ^  r. 

^lac.  If  it  were  clone  when  'tis  done,  there's  no  doubt 
'Twere  quite  as  well  'twere  quickly  set  about. 
If  the  same  knife  which  cuts  poor  Duncan's  life  support- 
ers 
Could  only  cut  the  throats  of  comrnou  news  reporters, 
And  thus  make  dumb  the  press — it's  pretty  clear 
This  cut  would  be  the  be-all,  and  the  end-all  here. 
But  this  even-handed  justice  is  a  sorry  jade, 
And  may  commend  to  my  own  throat,  the  self-same  blade. 
He's  here  in  double  trust,  but  then  he's  had  long  credit, — 
And  yet  I'm  called  ujDon  to  write  more  debit. 
But  still  I  am  his  kinsman,  and  his  subject  too  ; — 
In  either  case,  the  bloody  work  is  hard  to  do. 
I  think  I'll  hire  a  man  to  do  the  deed  : 
I  shouldn't  murder  when  1  ought  to  feed. 
And  who  can  bear  to  be  the  common  scoft* 
For  *'  the  deep  damnation  of  his  taking  oft'?" 
I  have  no  spur  to  prick  me  on — full  well  I  know  it — 
So,  vaulting  ambition,  I  say,  prythee,  go  it ! 
Don't  overleap  yourself,  and  then  come  tumbling  down 
With  dislocated  neck,  or  broken  crown. 

Elder  Lady  Macbsth,  r. 

How  now,  Mrs.  ^I.,   did  he  eat  those  oysters  that  you 
stewed  \ 
Lady  M.  He  sujjped  on  nothing  else  : — your  leaving:  us 

was  rude. 
jSIac.  I  will  not  do  this  deed ;  he  has  so  honoured  me 
of  late, 
And  bougrht  me  golden  pippins,  which  I  ate.     [  Walks,  L. 

Lady  III.  Coward  !      You  much  desire  to  be  a  King, 
But  tremble  at  the  means  which  do  the  things. 

JIac.  I  dare  do  all  that  becomes  a  man;  so  do  not  vex 
me, 
If  more  you  want,  why,  damn  it,  ma'am,  unsex  me. 
Lady  M.  What  a  beast  are  you  :  v.-hen  you  told  me  first 
your  plan, 
I  thought  you  quite  an  enterprising  soil  of  man. 
Ten  children  I  have  suckled,  as  you  know, 


Scene  VI.]  MACBETH    TRAVESTIE.  16 

And  surelv  never  mother  loved  her  babbies  so. 
Yet  would  I  take  each  of  the  ten  and  slap — 
Place  one  by  one  across  their  mother's  lap, 
And  spank  them  till  their  backs  were  black  and  blue, 
Ere  I'd  back  out  from  doing  what  I  said  ["d  do. 

Mac.  Suppose   we  fail  ?  the  thought  brings  on  a  dizzi- 
ness ! 

Lady  3/.   We  fail ;  and  there  will  end  our  business. 
Put  couraire  to  the  sticking-place,  my  master, 
And  bind  it  tight  with  Badeau's  poor  man's  plaster,  y 
When  Duncan  is  in  bed  and  soundly  snoring, 
I  will,  with  drink,  his  chamberlain  be  flooring. 
Their  natures — beinfj  well  soaked  in  potent  liquors — 
Will  to  our  purpose  be  no  soil  of  stickers. 
What  we  will  do  to  Duncan  when  alone. 
Is  surely  no  one's  business  but  our  own. 

Mac.  If  more  children  bless  you,  let  them  all  be  lads — 
Your  mettle  is  unfit  for  belles,  but  just  the  thing  for  dads. 
I'm  settled  and  bent  up — the  murder  shall  be  done  ! 
Away  !   and  mock  the  time  with  rarest  fun.     [Exeunt,  r. 

Scene  VI. — A  Cliamher. 

Enter  Banquo  and  Fleance,  -r.,  preceded  hy  Sertaxt  iciih 

candle. 

Ban.  How  goes  the  night,  boy? 

F/t.  Pretty  well,  sir  ; — how 

are  you  ? 

Ban.  I'm  sore  oppressed,  and  know  not  what  to  do. 
I  have  a  load  upon  me  like  a  lump  of  lead, 
^^^hich  qualms  my  stomach,  and  aflfects  my  head. 
Who's  there  ? 

Enter  Macbeth,  preceded  hy  Seyton  with  candle. 

Mac.  A  friend. 

Ban.  1  thought  you  were  abed,  sir,  long 

ago. 
The  King  is  most  well  pleased,  he'd  have  you  know. 
He  crave  the  servants  all  a  croicn  a-piece, 
And  laughing,  called  them  Knights,  sir,  of  the  Fleece  i 
I  have  a  present  for  your  lady  from  the  King  ; 
He  begs  to  orj-eet  your  wife,  sir,  through  this  ring. 

[Puts  ring  on  yiacbcth's  Jl?iger. 


16  MACBETH    TRAVEfcTIE.  [ACT L 

3Iac.  I'm  unprepared  to  thank  him  as  I  ought. 
[Aside.]  I  Vy'onder  where  so  fine  a  ring  he  bought. 

Bafi.  All's  well.     I  dreamed  last  night  of  those  old  hags 
We  met  the  other  day  collecting  rags. 
To  you  they've  shown  some  truth  in  what  they  said. 

Mac.  I  have  thought  not  of  them,  more  than  of  one 
dead. 
But  some  other  time,  if  it  be  your  pleasure, 
We'll  chat  again  of  this  affair  at  leisure. 
Good  night,  now,  worthy  Ban  quo. 

Bern.  Good  repose,  Macbeth. 

Mac.  I  thank  you. 

[Exeunt  Bajiquo  and  Fleance,  l. 
Go,  bid  my  wife  prepare  a  cobbler — [Seyton  goe^.]   Here, 

not  so  fast — 
And  say  I'd  like  to  have  this  cohhler  stronger  than  the  last, 
[Exit  Se>/fon,  l. — As  Macbeth  turns  to  look  off,  l.,  a 
large  dagger  appears,  c,  the  handle  towards  him. 
Is  this  a  dagger  I  see  fornenst  my  nose — 
The  handle  towards  me  ]  I'll  clutch  it;   and  here  goes. 

[Dagger  jumps  up  quick. 
I  have  thee  not,  and  yet  I  swear  I  thought  I  had  f 
That  dodge  of  thine,  old  dagger,  was  too  bad. 
Are  my  eyes  grown  dim,  or  do  they  need  a  wipe  ] 
Or  is  that  dagger  but  a  false  Daguerreotype. 
I  see  thee  yet,  or  my  eyes  do  sadly  play  the  fool. 
As  palpably  as  those  I  used  to  make  at  school. 

[Dagger  icorks  a  little. 
You  beckon  me  your  way  ;  I'm  sorry  to  refuse. 
For  just  such  an  instrument  I  was  to  use. 
I  see  thee  still — and  upon  thy  handle  gouts  of  bloody — 
Which  seems  most  strange  upon  a  dagger  made  of  wood. 
Ah  !  but  now  I  look  more  closely,  I  behold  instead. 
Only  a  dab  of  deep  Venetian  red.  [Dagger  vanishes. 

It's  no  such  thing,  that's  plain  enough, 
And  the  paint  upon  the  handle's  bloody  stuff. 
Nature  now  to  half  the  world  has  given  up  the  ghost, 
And  each  good  watchman  sleeps  against  his  post. 
Thou  firm-set  earth,  hear  not  the  creaking  of  my  shoes  > 
And,   oh,  ye  paving  stones,  tell  not  the  news. 

[Bell  strikes  two. 
I  go— the  bell  strikes  two,  whilst  I  shall  strike  but  one. 


Sc-hE  IV.J  MACBETH    IKAVtSTIE.  17 

Feel  not  the  blow,  oh,  Duncan,  'ere  thy  job  be  done. 
[.4^  he  is  about  to  open  the  door,  thunder  is  heard — he 
starts,  recovers,  and  exits,  r. 

Enter  Lady  Macbeth,  l. 

Lady  M.  That  which  hath  put  the  sen^ants  of  the  King 
in  clover, 
Hath  made  me  feel  just  right  all  over. 
Hark  !  each  noise  does  put  one's  courage  to  the  proof. 
Pshaw  !   it  was  but  our  cat  upon  the  out-house  roof. 
I  physicked  well  the  drink  the  grooms  did  take. 

Mac.  I  JVithoiff.]  Who's  there  ? 

Lady  J/.  Alack  !  I'm  afraid  they 

are  awake. 
Unless  the  deed  be  done,  the  attempt  confound — 
I  put  the  daggers  where  they  could  be  found. 
If  he  has  missed  them,  it  is  indeed  too  bad. 
/had  done  it,  but  he  looked  so  like  my  dad. 

Re-enter  Macbeth,  r.,  with  tuo  bloody  daggers. 

Mac.  I  have  done  the  deed — did  you  not  hear  a  row  \ 

Lady  M.  I  heard  the  cat  squall  out  just  now. 
Did  you  not  speak  ? 

Mac.  When  ? 

Lady  M.  Now  ! 

Mac.  My  boot  did  creak. 

Lady  M.  How  1 

Mac.  There  ! 

Lady  M.  Where  1 

Mac.  Upon  the  stair. 

Lady  M.  Hush  ! 

Mac.  Hark  !  the  second  floor  does  seem  in 

pain. 
Who  is  it  ] 

Lady  M.  Why,  only  young  Donaldblain. 

Mac.  See,  heres  a  pickle  that  I'm  in,  my  wife. 

Lady  M.  x\  foolish  thouglit  to  cry  out  pickles,  on  my 
'life. 

Mac.  When  I  did  strike,  there  one  did  loudly  sob — 
Another  cried,  "  there  goes  one  for  his  nob." 
Both  awaking — round  about  the  room  did  peep, 
Then  Inid  thfm  dov.-n  ao^ain.   and  went  to  sleep. 


18       .        MACBETH  TRAVESTJE.  [Act  I. 

Lady  M,  Two  snore  together  beneath   the  same  bed- 
clothes 1 

Mac.  One  said,  *•'  no,  you  don't  !"   and  put  his  finger  to 
his  nose. 
The  other — a  larg^e  fat  man  and  stout — 
Cried,  "  pickles — does  your  mother  know  you're  out  r* 

Lady  3/.  You  think  too  much  about  a  little  blood  that 
trickles, 

Mac.  But  why  the  devil  could  not  I  cry  pickles  1 
For  something  of  the  kind  I  did  require — 
My  tongue  was  parched — my  throat  was  all  on  fire. 

Lady  M.  You  think  too  much  about  so  small  a  thing, 
You've  only  made  a  new  dy-na^ty  with  the  king. 

Mac.  He  did  die-nasty,  and  he  dyed  me  nasty,  too, — 
Methoujjht  I  heard  a  voice  cry,  "  let's  play  loo !" 
But  first  it  said,  "  Macbeth,  my  handsome  tulip, 
AVe'll  have  a  drink,   and  let  it  be  a  Julep. 
Sore  labour's  bath,  a  balm  for  minds  which  have  a  flaw- 
Come  on,  Macbeth,  we'll  suck  it  through  a  straw." 

Lady  M.   What  mean  you,  pray,  you  foolish  idle  talker] 

Mac.  One  said,  he'd  drink   no  more ;   and   one  cried, 
"Walker!'' 

Lady  M.  Who  wast,  then,  cried  "Walker!"  worthy 
Thane  % 
You  talk  of  stupid  things  with  sickly  brain. 
Go,  wash  yourself — and  it  will  do  you  good 
To  lose  a  little  of  that  royal  blood. 
Why  did  you  bring  these  daggers  from  the  room  ? 
Take  them,  and  bloody  make  the  face  of  every  groom. 

Mac.  ril  go  no  more  !   \Crosscs,  l.]   I'm  full  of  horror 
crammed, 
And  if  I  look  on't  aofain,  may  I  be  damned. 

Ijady  3/.  Give  me  the  daggers  :   1  do  not  dread  to  see- 
Living  or  dead,  they  are  all  the  same  to  me. 
I'll  ffild  their  faces  o'er  with  strongest  gilt, 
And  stick  it  fastly  on,  with  blood  that's  spilt. 

[Exit,  R. — Knocki/i.g  heard  witJiout, 

Mac.  How  is  it  with  me  ?  what  the  plague  can  be  the 
matter. 
When  thus  I  tremble  at  every  little  clatter  ? 
I  shake  at  every  noise  the  merest  trifle  makes, 
And  yet,  I  swear,  I  feel  like  no  great  shahcs. 


ScrWEAl-]  MACBETH    TF.AVESTIF.  19 

Look  at  these  awful  paws,  so  dyed  in  blood; 
Can  Neptune  \vash  them  clean  ]     I  wish  he  could. 
But  that's  a  thing  I  fear  can  never  be, 
For  he  has  got  already  one  red  sea. 

Re-enter  Lady  Macbeth,  r. 

Lady  M.  My  heart  is  not  so  white  ;  my  hands  as  yours 
are  red.  [Knocking. 

I  hear  a  knocking  in  the  yard — come,  husband,  let's  to  bed. 

[Knoclc. 
Why  stand  you  shilly  shally,  there,  as  if  you  didn't  know 
Which  way  to  stir  your  stumps — whether  to  stay  or  go. 
Take  now  the  cobbler  that  1  made,  (if  you've  not  already 

drank  it,) 
Put  on  your  night-cap,  and  then  clap  your  head  beneath 
the  blanket.  [Knock. 

Mac.  To  know  the  deed  that  1  have  done  indeed  is  very 
shocking, — 
Duncan,   why   the   devil  can't  you   w^ake   with  this  con- 
founded knocking.  [Exeunt,  l. 

Enter  Seyton,  l.  s.  e. — opens  c.  d.,  and  enter  Macduff  and 

RossE. 

Macd.  You  went  quite  late  to  bed,  by  the  way  you've 

snoozed  this  morning. 
Sey.  Faith,  sir,  indeed  we  did  carouse  till  day  was  almost 

dawning. 
Macd.  Is  your  royal  master  stirring  yet  ] — to  wake  him 

I  am  loth. 
Sey.  He  comes. 

Re-enter  Macbeth,  in  a  gown  and  nightcap. 

Rosse.  Good  morrow,  sir. 

Mac.  Good  morrow,  both, 

Macd.  Is  the  king  awake  ] 

Mac.  Not  yet ;  most  soundly  he 

has  slept. 
Macd.  He  bade  me  call  him,  but  the  hour  has  slipped. 
Mac.  I'll  call  him, 

Macd.  I  will  not  ti'ouble  you,  worthy  Thane. 

Mac.  The  trouble  that  we  love,  like  Brandreth's  pills, 

does  physic  pain. 


20  MACBETH    TRWFSTIF.  [Act  I. 

[Crosses.  I-.]   There  is  the  dor>r.  [Ej:it  Macdvjf,  r. 

Rosse.  Goes  the  king  hence  to-day  ? 

Mac.  'Twas  so,  1  think,  1  heard  his  servant  say. 
Rosse.  Last  night  was  the  squalHest  one  I  ever  knew — 
The  wind  must  have  been  drunk,  it  Vv'as  so  hieic. 
It  reeled  along  the  streets,  so  no  one  safe  could  pass ; 
And  every  window  that  it  broke  did  take  another  glass. 
Loud  screams  arose  in  every  quarter  of  the  town, 
And  chimney  pots  from  every  house  came  madly  tumbling 

down. 
Some  say  that  direful,   dread  events,  will  quickly  come  to 

pass  \ 
And  that  father  Miller,  after  all,  is  not  an  A.  double  S. 
That  the  earth  was  feverish,  and  shook  :  if,  then,  'tis  not  a 

fixture, 
Why  could  it  not  be  quickly  cured  by  Rowand's  Tonic 
mixture  ? 
Macd.  [  Without.]  Oh,  Horror  !  Horror  !  Horror  !   Hor- 
ror !  Horror!  Horror!  Horror !  Horror  !   Horror  1 

Re-enter  Macduff,  r. 

Oh,  that  I  had    a  thousand  tongues  to  tell 
What  is  not  possible  for  one  to  do  as  well  ! 

Mac.  4'  Rosse.  Why,  wha^t's  the  matter  ?  what  on  earth's 
the  row  ? 

Macd.  Murder's  the  matter — robbery's  the  row  ! 
Some  sacrilegious  chap, — I  scarce  can  tell  the  rest — 
Hath  broken  ope  the  King,  our  master's  chest. 
And  stole  his  life  ! — 'twas  all  he  had — oh,  horrid  theft  ! 
And  nothing  but  his  bloody  trunk  is  left. 

Mac.  What  is't,  say  you  %  is  it  his  life  they've  stole  % 

Macd.  Approach  yourself,  and  see  the  ghastly  hole 
Through  which  they  let  the  daylight  on  his  soul. 

[Exit  Rosse  a?id  Macbeth,  r. 
Wake  up  the  town — let  every  bell  ring  loud. 
And  gather  round  the  door  an  anxious  crowd.  [Bell  rings. 

Enter  Malcolm,  Banquo,  and  all  the  Court,  r.  and  l. 

Mai  What's  the  fix  1 

Macd.  You  are,  my  boy,  and  do  not  know  it ! 

Your  royal  dad  is  dead. 

Mai  Who  did  it?  blow  it! 


ScEA-K  VI.j  MAGKETH    lilAVtSriE.  21 

Re-ehter  Macbeth  and  Rosse,  r. 

Mac.  If  1  had  only  died  six  hours  asro, 
The  chauces  are,  I  had  not  felt  this  blow. 

Mai.  I  want   to  know,    who   dared   onr  royal  blood  to 
shed  ? 

Rvsse.  They,  as  we  think,  who  slept  in  the  next  bed. 
They  were  all  covered,  sir,  with  blood  from  head  to  feet, 
And  one  had  wiped  his  crooked  nose  upon  the  royal  sheet. 
AVhen  they  awoke  they  looked  distracted,  wild  ; 
But  they  couldn't  any  how  deceive  this  child. 

S\Iac.  I'm   sorry  I  took  the   lives   of  both  those  chaps 
away. 

JIacd.  Ah  !   wherefore  did  you  do  it — Macbeth,  say  1    * 

Mac.  At  once,  can  I  be  wise  and  furious  ? — the  devil's 
in  it, 
If  a  man  can  be  all  these,  sir,  in  the  same  minute. 
There  lay  king  Duncan;  the  sight  my  blood  did  put  up. 
For  never  before  saw  I  a  King  so  badly  cut  up. 
His  gashes  looked  like, — as  most  of  us  have  seen 
In  pork, — a  streak  of  fat,  and  then  a  streak  of  lean. 
^Vhich  formed  the  varied  gateways  to  a  place 
Where  min  went  to  hide  his  hideous  face. 
There  lay  his  butchers — calm  as  a  summer's  night  ; 
With  love  like  mine,  who  could  have  borne  the  sight. 

Ban.  I  have  mv  scruples — but  for  the  present,  mum. 

Macd.  So  I. 

All  So  all. 

Ban.  We'll  meet  in  the  hall,  and  con  this  deed  lamented, 
To  know  it  further — 

-4//.  We  are  well  contented. 

CHORUS.—-  Scots  wha  hae." 

The  King's  been  murdered  in  his  bed 
There's  sundry  gashes  on  his  head, 
Who  did  the  deed  has  not  been  sdd, 

So  we'll  be  mum  awhile. 
But  let's  against  all  treason  fight, 
The  body  is  a  horrid  sight ; 
So  we  wiU  meet  again  to-night 

And  talk  the  matter  o'er. 


[Exeunt t  c. 


E.\D    or    ACT    I. 


5Si  M/^CBETH    TRAVESTIE.  [Act  II, 

AC  T     II. 

Scene  I. — Bayiquet  Scene. 

Macbeth,  Lady  Macbeth,  Rosse,  4^.,  discovered^  all 
standing, — Flourish. 

Mac.  You're  welcome,  friends,  so  feel  at  ease. 
Sit  down  ;  you  know  your  own  degrees.  [They  sit. 

Our  wife's  a  little  stiff  at  this  first  meeting, 
But  by  and  bye  you'll  get  her  hearty  greeting. 

Lady  3/.  Nay,  greet  you  them  for  me;  for  I  here  vow,. 
That  they  are  very  welcome  any  how.  [All  bow. 

Mac.  Their  hearts  are  loud  in  thanks,  if  you  could  hear 
em  ; 
But  here  I'll  sit,  in  order  to  be  near  *em. 
Be  merry  all : — fill  for  a  toast ;  see,  friends,  it  goes 
The  table  round — 

Enter  Murderer,  l. 

There's  blood  upon  your  nose. 
Mur.  Then  blow  it ;  it  is  Banquo's. 
Mac.  Ah,  I  much  do  fear — 

Mur,  There  is  no  ground ;  his  throat  is  cut  from  ear  to 

ear. 
Mac.  You  cut  his  jugular  ? — that  were  a  clever  trick  t 
You  did  the  same  for  Fleance  ] 

Mur.  Sir,  he's  cut  his  stick. 

Mac.  Then  comes  my  fit  again  ! — But  Banquo— he  is 

dead  ? 
Mur.  He  is,  my  lord,  as  any  hemng  that  is  red. 
Mac.  Fleance'  escape  has  filled  my  cup  with  sori'ow. 
But  more  of  this  anon ;  go,  call  again  to-morrow. 

[Exit  Murderer,  l. 
Lady  M.  Come,  my  good  lord,  and  pick  a  bit  of  meat ; 
For  it  is  meet,  among  your  guests,  that  you  do  take  a  seat. 
Mac.  Sweet  wife,  those  Sherman's  Lozenges  you  made 
me  swallow, 
Hath  made  our  appetite  beat  our  digestion  hollow. 

[Banquo  rises  and  sits  in  a  chair,  with  his  bach  to  Mac- 
beth— he  is  smoking  a  cigar. 
We  should  enjoy  our  meal,  if  Banquo  were  but  here  ; 
His  absence  we  begin  to  think  a  little  queer. 


SCEKE  I.]  MACBETH    TRAVESTIE.  23 

Rosse.  Never  mind,  my  lord,  it  cannot  make  us  dull ; 
Will  you  pray  take  a  seat  ? 
Mac.  The  table's  full. 

Rosse.  Here  is  a  place  resers'ed,  sir. 
Mac.  Where  ^ 

[Banquo  turns  round. 
Rosse.  Here,  my  lord.     What  is  it  makes  you  stare  ? 
Mac.  Who  did  this  1 
Rosse.  What,  my  lord  ? 

Mac.  Crikey  !   can't 

you  seel  [Banquo,  sjyioking,  shakes  his  head. 

I  didn't  do  it,  so  you  needn't  shake  your  locks  at  me. 
It  was  not  I  who  stole  the  jewel  fi'om  your  ti'unk. 

Rosse.  Friends,  rise ;  I  do  suspect  his  Highness  is  a  lit- 
tle drunk.  [All  offer  to  rise. 
Lady  ,V.  Keep  your  seats,  my  friends ;  m.y  lord  is  of- 
ten thus — 
He's  only  in  a  sort  of  fit,  so  do  not  make  a  muss. 
[Cmnes  foricardJ\^    If  you  stare  on  him  in  this  idle  fashion, 
You'll  put  him  surely  in  a  roaring  passion. 
[To  Macbeth.]  Come,  quit  this  nonsense,  sir — are  you  a 
man  1 
Mac.  I  don't  exactly  know,  but  still  I  think  I  am, 
When  I  can  dare  to  look  upon  that  stool. 
And  see  old  Banquo  smoking  there  so  cool. 

Lady  M.  Stuff!   a  painting  in  the  air;  like  a   dagger 
which  you  said. 
Beckoned  and  led  you  straight  to  Duncan's  bed. 
Tell  the  marines  such  tales,  and  you'll  deceive  'em. 
'Twont  do  to  tell  the  Tars — the  sailors  won't  believe  'em. 

[Banquo  rises  a?id  winks  his  eye. 
Mac.  Look  !    Ha  !  he  \vinks  his  eye  !    I  say  I  didn't  do 
the  theft.  [Banquo  points  over  the  left  shoulder. 

He  backward  points  his  thumb — which  means,  "  Over 
the  left."  [Banquo  nods^ 

l£  thou  canst  nod,  v/hy,  damn  it,  can't  you  speak  ? 
And  if  not  with  vour  mother  tonsrue,  why,  let's  have  Greek. 

[Banquo  is  going  off,  l.,  backwards. 
If  ghosts  will  come  to  play  about  at  nights. 
Why,  let  'em  have  a  good  supply  of  Taws  and  Kites. 

I  Exit  Banquo^  l. 
Lady  M.  What,  daft  entirely  ! 


24  ^MACBETH    TRAVtbflE.  [Act  II. 

Mac.  As  I  btaucl  here,  I've 

Banqiio  iseeii. 
Lady  M.  For  shame  !  [Goes  up  to  throne. 

Mac.  Why,  shame,  indeed;   the  dme  has  been. 
When  the  brains  weVe  out,  a  man  would  kick  the  bucket ; 
But  now  the  living  do  without  'em  ;   and,  for  a  ducat 
You  can  get  the  credit  of  more  wit,  than  midnight  oil 
To  student  gives,  however  hard  he  toil  : 
And  now  ghosts  rise  again  to  see  their  brainless  brothers, 
And  leave  their  graves,  without  the  knowledge  of  their 
mothers. 
"Lady  M.  Of  rudeness,  my  lord,  this  is  the  very  essence; 
Your  royal  guests  do  sadly  need  your  presence. 

Mac.  Pardon  me  :  the  fit  which  made  me  absent,  itself 
is  gone — 
iSo  with  your  worthy  selvea  I'll  now  count  one. 
Give  me  some  wine:    your  glasses  fill — come,  here's  a 

health  to  each  : 
Here's  health  to  Banquo,  also,  to  whom  may  all  good 
reach.   [Takes  a  large  'pitclier from  tahle,  and  shows 
a  duplicate  head  of  Banquo' s  under  it. 
AvauTit !  the  presence  quit — hide  behind  some  place, 
And  don't  show  here  that  damnably  long  face. 
Thou  look'st  so  greedy  with  your  great  big  eyes, 
As  though  you  wished  a  speculation  here  in  pies  : 
But  it  's  no  2;o,  for  all  the  pies  are  gone — 
And  so,  my  dear  late  fnend,  you  can't  get  one. 
Put  out  those  goggle  eyes — I  want  no  overseers. 

Lady  M.   Take  you  no  notice  of  this  second  fit,  good 

peers. 
Mac.  What  man  dare,  that  I  dare,  e'en  though  it  were 
to  tussle 
With  Shakspeare  in  a  song,  quite  a  la  Russell. 
To  dance  a  Pas  de  Deux  in  public  square. 
With  dancinsf  dosf,  or  rugreed  Russian  bear. 
AVrestle  for  a  cent  with  some  Herculean  nigger— 
Anything,  but  look  upon  that  horrid  figure. 

[Puts  pitcher  over  the  head. 
Hence,  King  of  Tiiimps,  and  hie  thee  to  thy  grave. 

[Raises  pitcher,  and  the  head  is  gone. 
Why  so  !  thou'rt  gone — I  now  will  play  the  knave. 

[Falls  into  a  chair. 


SCEHE  III.] 


MACBETH    TRAVESTIE.  25 


Lady  M.  Good  night,  my  friends ; — all  shortly  will  be 
well : 
Stand  not  upon  the  order  of  your  going,  but  start  pell  mell. 
\All  exeunt,  r.  and  l.,  hut  Macbeth  c^  Lady  ~SIacbeth. 

Mae.  Blood  will  have  blood,  and  I  must  have  some  more. 
"What  is  the  night  ? 

Lady  M.  Why,  night  will  soon  be  o'er. 

Mac.  You  say  Macduff  declined  to  come  when  you  did 
send  ] 

Lady  M.  So  much  I  heard  from  one  he  calls  a  friend. 

Mac.  If  I  do  send,  he'd  better  not  refuse, — 
No  servant  here  my  lenity  shall  abuse. 
To-morrow  to  the  witches  I  will  go  ; 
The  very  worst  I  am  resolved  to  know. 
I'm  over  head  in  blood,  and  so  I  may 
As  well  go  on,  as  go  the  other  way.  [Exeimty  R. 

Scene  II. — Front  of  Wood. 
Enter  Hecate,  r..  Three  Witches,  l. 

1*^  Witc7(.  Why,  how  now,  Hecate  ?  how  cross  you  look. 

Hec.   Have  I  not  reason,  beldames,  since  you  took 
The  liberty  with  Macbeth,  to  talk  of  this  affair. 
Which  belongs  to  me,  the  mistress  of  this  air  ] 
But  make  amends,   and  serve  me  so  no  more. 
Meet  me  in  my  castle  i'  the  air ;  the  number's  on  the  door. 
I  have  the  key,  but  don't  let  me  keep  you  waiting; 
If  I  am  not  in  time,  squeeze  through  the  gi'ating. 

[Music. —  Witches  enter — they  dance,  8fc.,  and  sing  the 
music  of  the  original. 

Scene  III. —  Witches'  Hut. 

Three  Witches  discovered. 

1st  Witch.  Three  new  novels  have  the  newsboys  cried. 

2d  Witch.  Thrice  to  read  them  have  we  tried. 

3^  Witch.  The  newsboys  called  them  cheap — the  news- 
boys lied. 
Round  about  the  cauldron  go. 
And  in  the  charmed  ingredients  throw. 
Here's  a  slip  of  the  bark  from  off  the  tree 
General  Morris  went  to  see. 


26  MACBETH    TRA\TiSTIE.  [Act  H 

And  a  bit  of  the  axe  of  the  woodman  bold, 
!Made  blunt  at  the  edge  with  a  tip  of  gold. 
Here's  a  stone  from  the  Fountain  in  the  Green, 
The  oddest  concern  that  ever  was  seen. 
And  a  drop  from  the  nose  of  the  statue  of  stone, 
That  in  the  Alharara  this  summer  is  shown. 

^4//.  Double,  double,  boil  and  trouble. 
Fire  bum,  and  soup-pot  bubble. 

2d  [Viicli.   Tail  of  the  Sea  Sei-pent  take, 
Keep  it  bubbling  for  the  sake 
Of  landlords,  they  who  never  fail, 
Yearly  to  rake  up  the  tale. 
A  mermaid  Feeijee — ail  a  hum — 
The  big  fat  girl,  and  little  Thumb. 
Ellsler's  leg,  and  foot  to  boot. 
Will  make  young  men  to  jump  and  hoot; 
For  'tis  a  charm  of  powerful  trouble, 
Although  it  is  all  bubble,  bubble  ! 

All.  Double,  double,  toil  and  trouble, 
Fire  burn,  and  soup-pot  bubble. 

IstWitc/i.  0£  modern  poetiy — sorr}' stuff— 
A  couple  of  lines  wil  be  enough. 
A  lawyer's  conscience  put  in,  too, 
'Twill  make  a  most  infernal  stew. 
Bit  of  soaplock  lost  in  a  lark. 
Near  the  Fountain  in  the  Park. 
When  the  whole  boils  up  and  thickens. 
Throw  in  the  last  great  work  of  Dickens. 

[T/iei/  make  a  great  noise. 

AIL  Double,  double,  toil  and  trouble. 
Fire  barn,  and  soup-pot  bubble. 

1st  Witch.  Cool  it  with  a  whole  hog's  blood. 
Then  the  soup  is  thick  and  good. 
By  the  pricking  of  my  thumbs. 
Something  wicked  this  way  comes. 

Enter  Macbeth,  l.  u.  e. 

Mac.  How  now,  ye  black,  but  living  heaps  of  rags — 
What  are  ye  at  ] 

AU.  John  Smith — a  man  wthout  a  name. 

Mac.  Ah  !  and  vet  John  Smith  has  got  a  sort  of  fame. 


Sce:<eIII.]  MACBETH    TRAVESTIE.  27 

But  no  more  of  this. — I  must  your  patience  tax. 
I  want  to  know — 

1st  Witch.         Speak  ! 

2d  Witc/i.  Demand  ! 

3d  Witc/i.  We'll  answer  what  you 

ax. 

1st  Witc/f.  From  ourselves,  or  master,  would  you  hear? 

Mac.  Whichever  you  please,  my  little  dear. 

1*^  Witch.  Throw  in  the  lee:  of  a  hos:  which  died  in  the 
street, 
With  a  little  molasses  to  sweeten  the  meat. 

AIL  Come  high — come  low — come  far — come  near — 
Spirit  of  New  England — appear  !   appear  ! 

[^1  Yankee  Ciock-FeddJer  rises. 

App.  Macbeth,  I  reckon  you  ain't  exactly  up  to  snuflf: 
Do  you  just  keep  your  eye  on  old  Macduff"; 
And  old  Fife,  too — they'll  shave  you  if  they  can. 
But  1  must  go  a-head,  for  you  see,  my  man. 
My  steam  is  up  now  good  and  strong, 
My  biler'll  bust  if  I  stay  here  too  long.  [Sinks. 

Mac.  Do  tell !   I  want  to  know  !     More  questions  let 
me  pop  'em. 

\8t  Witch.  He's  gone,  and  all  creation  cannot  stop  him. 

[Munday,  the  Prophet,  rises. 
But  here  is  one — a  prophet  great,  who  knows  what's  past. 

App.  Macbeth  !    Macbeth  !    Macbeth  !    don't  look  bo 
much  aghast. 

Mar.  Had  I  three  ears,  three  years  I  would  be  mute. 

App.  Be  bloody,  bold  Macbeth,  and  boldly  resolute. 
Lausjh  thou  the  petty  power  of  man  to  scorn, 
For  none  can  hurt  thee  who's  of  woman  bom. 
The  world  is  topsy  turvy — and  now,  alas  1 

1st  Witch.  Sic — 

2d  Witch.  Transit- 

s' Witch,  Gloria — 

App.  Munday  1 

AIL  '      Pass ! 

[Apparition  sink&. 

Mac.  Then  live,  Macduff; — I  do  not  care,   I  swear, 
Since  I  can  boldly  tell  pale-hearted  fear, 
It  lies  not  in  it  to  make  me  knock  under, — 

[Cheap  John  rises. 


28  MACBETH    TRAVESTIE.  [Act  II. 

For  I  will  sleep  in  spite  of  thunder. 

But  who  is  this,  so  like  Cheap  John  in  Chatham  Square 
Who  sells  in  four  cent  lots  his  curious  ware  ] 
Upon  his  head  he  wears  a  shabby  sort  of  covering, 
For  one  who  has  a  crown,  and  daily  makes  a  sovereign  ! 
1st  Witch.  Listen,  but  do  not  speak  ;  do  you  see] 
Apjy.  Be  stubborn,  proud,  and  who  may  fret,  ne'er  mind 
at  all ; 
Until  great  Bimam's  wood  comes  boughing  to  your  hall. 
Macbeth's  invincible  !     Only  four  cents  !  [Si7iks. 

Mac.  Well,  that  can 

never  be, 
For  who  the  plague  e'er  saw  a  walking  tree. 
Tell  me, — if  that  your  art  can  show  so  much — 
Shall  Banquo's  issue  Scotland's  sceptre  clutch  ? 

AU.  Begone,  Macbeth,  and  seek  to  know  no  more. 
Mac.  I  will  be  satisfied — this  interruption  is  a  bore. 
Farther  I  fain  would  know  of  my  queer  lot.        \^CauJdro7i 
Why  sinks  the  cauldron — is  it  gone  to  pot  ]  sinks. 

1st  Witch.  Show! 
2d  Witch.  Show  ! 

3fZ  Witch.  Show  ! 

All.  Blow  his  eyes  !  let's  grieve  his  heart — 
So,  dark  shadows,  do  your  part. 

ySet  piece  sinks,  and  discovers  large  hogshead  with  trans- 
parent hunghole.      Figure  crosses  behind. 
Mac.  That  looks  like  Banquo's  spirit  past  that  bunghole 
walking  : 
The  sight  does  blear  my  eyes  ; — [Second  Figure  crosses.^ 

another  yet  comes  staljcing.       [Third Jigure  crosses. 
A  third  ! — Vile  hags,  I  do  entreat  you,  tap  no  more — 
Such  a  waste  of  spirits  I  ne'er  saw  before. 

[Fourth  figure  crosses. 
Pi.  fourth  !   why,  then,  by  Jove,  I'll  start  and  I'un. 

[Fifth  figure  crosses. 
And  yet  a  fifth  !  why,  will  they  ne'er  be  done  ? 

[  Sixth  figure  crosses,  with  glass. 
Another,  too,  who  bears  a  glass  !     I'm  thinking 
He's  quite  a  jolly  ghost,  and  has  been  drinking. 

[  Witches  and  transparency  vanish. 
Why  is  this  so  % — Where  are  they   gone  % — I'm  diddled 
quite ; 


Scene  IV.]  MACBETH    TRAVESTIE.  29 

This  cursed  hour  has  seemed  a  long  dark  night. 
Come  in,  without  there. 

Enter  Seyton,  l.  u.  e. 

Sey.  Pray,  what  wants  your  grace  ? 

Mac.  Saw  you  the  sisters  as  they  left  this  place  1 

Sey.  I  neither  saw,  nor  heard,  nor  smelt  them. 

Mac.  Came  they  not  by  you  1 

Sey.  I  ne'er  felt  them. 

Mac.  Did  I  not  hear  a  horse  but  just  now  pass  I 

Sey.  It  was  an  express  rider  on  an  ass, 
To  bring  you  word  Macduff  was  gone 
To  England. 

Mac.   Time,  time,  thou  cheat  of  human  bliss, 
At  least  I  am  obliged  to  you  for  this. 
I'll  seize  the  Castle  of  Macduft^,  then  take  his  Fife, 
And  play  a  dying  tune  to  his  dear  babes  and  wife. 
^No  boasting  like  a  fool — I'll  do  the  deed,  I  say. 
Show  me  the  gentleman  on  the  ass,  I  pray. 

[Exeunt y  l.  u.  e. 

Scene  IV. — A  Wood. 

Enter  Malcolm  and  Macduff,  r 

.Va/.  The   woodman  hath  spared  this   tree  in  spite  of 
trade — 
So  let  us  take  advantage  of  its  grateful  shade, 
To  tell  our  troubles  o'er. 

Macd.  Don't  let  us  waste  in  words 

The  time  when  we  should  use  our  trusty  swords. 
Oh,  Scotia,  my  native  land,  you're  in  a  fix, 
And  daily  subject  to  a  tyrant's  kicks. 
The  widow's  howling  makes  a  dreadful  noise — 
And  all  the  towns  are  full  of  workhouse  boys. 

]\Ial.  Suppose,  Macduff',  that  vile  Macbeth  were  slain, 
1  do  not  see  what  'vantage  you  would  gain; 
For  1  should  play  the  tyrant  worse  than  he. 
So  tell  me — would  you  choose  a  kinor  like  me  1 

Macd.  No  :  for  I  knew  your  father  well — but  how  un- 
like his  son ! 
Your  mother,  too, — she  ranked,  indeed,  as  an  A  No.  1. 


30  MACBETH   TRAVESTIE.  [Act  II. 

Her  pickles  were  the  very  best  I  ever  eat, 
And  tasted  very  nice  v^^ith  cold  roast  meat. 

Mai.  Stay,   Macduff,  stay :   this  passion  for  my  sainted 
mother's  pickles, 
Causes  this  tear  which  down  my  cheek  now  trickles. 
t  love  your  spirit ; — and  I  only  spoke  in  fun; 
I  do  assure  you,  then,  I  ain  my  father's  son. 
But  who  's  this  man  who  walks  along  so  stately  % 

Macd.  My  cousin  Rosse  it  is,  or  my  eye  deceives  me 
greatly. 

Enter  Rosse,  l. 

Stands  Scotland  where  it  did  a  week  ago  1 

Rosse.  Not  quite  ;   'tis  greatly  moved  by  the  vile  ty- 
rant's blow  ; 
The  face  of  the  whole  country  is  pitted  o'er  with  care, 
And  the  wail  that  it  has  on  it,  is  the  icail  of  dark  despair. 
Macd.  What  is  the  newest  grief  of  which  they  now  com- 
plain ] 
Rosse.  Why,  that  with  griefs  they're  overflooded  in  the 

present  reign. 
Macd.  How  is  my  wife,  my  little  children  dear  1 
Rosse.  Well,   [.^^/f/e.]  The  truth  I  cannot  tell,  for  fear. 
[Aloud.]  But  you  should  be  in  Scotland,  and  there  maintain 

her  laws. 
Your  very  presence,  sir,  would  breed  brave  soldiers  in  her 
cause. 
Macd.  Make  our  respects,  and  say  we'll  quickly  come 
With  fifty  men  to  sound  of  fife  and  diTim. 

Rosse.  I've  news  to  tell,  but  know  not  how  to  bring  it 

out. 
Macd.  Don't  be  a  niggard  of  your  speech,  but  spit  it  out. 
Come,  sir,  your  silence  is  beyond  endurance. 
Rosse.  Your  castle  is  burnt  down. 

Macd.  [Falls  on  Malcolm's  shoulder.]  And  I  had  no  in- 
surance ! 
Rosse.  Your  wife — 

Macd.  Another  !  I  hope  she's  doing  well] 

Rosse.  A-lass 

Macd.  I  was  in  hopes  it  was  a  boy — but  let  that  pass.- 
Rosse.  Sir,  you  have  neither  wife,  nor  son,  nor  daugh- 
ter ; 


Scene  V.]  MACBETH    TRAVESTIE.  31 

They  all  were  killed  in  one  inhuman  slaughter. 

Macd.  My  children — all,  I  think  it  was  you  said  1, 

Rosse.  Just  so. 

Macd.  My  wife,  1  think  you  said,  was  dead  ] 

[Rosse  nods. 
Exactly.  They  didn't  spare  my  stables,  baras,  nor  pens? 
Then  all  my  ducks  are  dead — and  slain  are  all  my  hens — 
Mv  little  chickens  that  I  used  to  feed  each  mora  and  nigrht. 
Are  all  gone,  too.  Well,  well,  it  almost  serves  me  right. 
I  should  have  fricasseed  them  all  before  I  left ; 
But  ril  have  vengeance  for  this  double  theft. 

J/aZ.  That's  right — dispute  it  like  a  man,  Macduff. 

Macd.  1  will  ; — but  still  I  feel  my  losses  bad  enough. 

J>IaL  Be  vengeance  sharp  the  whetstone  of  your  sword — 
'Twill  make  it  sharp  enough,  upon  my  word. 

Macd.  Oh,  I  could  play  the  woman  with  my  eyes, 
And  also  with  my  tongue — in  that  the  mischief  lies. 
But  heaven  cut  short  such  weak  desires, 
And  fill  my  soul  with  vengeful  fires  ; 
Let  not  Macbeth  escape  my  answer  just, 
If  he  blows  longer,  I  shall  surely  bust.  [Exeunt,  R. 

Scene  V, — A  Room  in  Macbeth' s  Castle. 

Enter  Physician  and  Gentlewoman. 

Doc.  Two  nights  I've  watched,   and  find  no  truth  in 

your  report ; 
Tm  afraid  your  stoiy's  but  th'  invention  of  your  sport. 
Gent.  No  !  since  the  King  in  person  has  his  warriors 

led, 
I've  seen  her  several  times  jump  out  of  bed. 

Doc.  Tell  me  what  she  has  said,  when  this  you  have 

seen  ? 
Gent.  Do  you  then  think  I'll  blab  1    I  am  not  quite  so 

green. 

Enter  Lady  Macbeth,  l.,  with  a  pail  in  one  hand,  and  a 
scrubhing-hrush  in  the  other. 

Look!  here  she  comes;   and,  as  I  live,  asleep. 

Doc.  How  came  she  with  the  light  she  carries  in  her 

hand  ? 
Gent.  Oh,  she'=;  a  box  of  loco  focos  always  on  her  stand. 


32  MACBETH    TRAVESTIE. 


[Act  II 


Doc.  Look  !   on  her  arm  she  has  a  pail,  and  in  her  hand 
a  brush. 
[Ladi/  Macbeth  kneels  and  gazes  at  stam  ujwn  the  floor 
And  look — she  kneels  upon  the  floor  ! 

Gent.  Oh,  Doctor,  hush  ! 

Lady  M.  Out,  dan'jned  spot !    I'll  try  to  scrub  it  all 
away  :  ^Scruhs. 

I  would  I  had  a  lump  of  potter's  clay. 
One  !   \^Clock  strikes  one.]   Then  'tis  time  ! — A  soldier,  and 

afraid  of  slaughter  1 
Out,  out,  I  say  ! — but  how,  without  some  water  1 
I'll  to  the  pump,  and  fill  this  little  pail. 

[Goes  to  Doctor,  hangs  pail  on  one  of  his  arms,  and 
fumps  the  other. 
Thank  you.  [Curtseys.]  What  need  we  fear  ]  who  knows 

our  tale  ?  [Scrubs. 

Who  would  have  thought, — but  that  it's  here  so  plain, — 
The  old  man's  blood  would  leave  so  large  a  stain. 

Doc.  Go  to  !    I  've  heard  much  more  than  I  thought  to. 
Geiit.  And  she  has  said  much  more  than  she  ought  to. 
Lady  M.  Here's  still  the  stain,  upon  the  self-same  spot, 
In  spite  of  all  the  scrubbings  that  it's  got. 
The  smell's  not  pleasant,  either,  that  I  vow, 
And  I've  no  Arabian  perfume  with  me  now.  [Sighs. 

Doc.  Oh,  what  a  sigh  is  there  !    her  heart  is   sorely 

charged. 
Gent.  Perhaps,  then.  Doctor,  it  is  much  enlarged. 
Such  a  one  would  not  I  possess  for  half  a  crown. 

Lady  M.  Wash  well  your  hands,  my  lord,  put  on  your 
dressing-gown. 
Look  not  so  pale — Ban  quo  in  his  grave  lies  buried, 
And  thence  he  won't  come  out  again — unless  he's  greatly 
hurried. 
Doc.   True. 

AIR. — Lady  Macbeth. — "  Merry  Swiss  Boy. 

Go  to  bed,  go  to  bed,  Macbeth,  say  I, 

Take  my  pail  and  the  water  away. 
For  now,  t  vow,  at  the  gate  there's  a  row. 

So  go  off  to  bed  right  away. 

[Exeunt,  Lady  Macbeth,  r.,  the  rest,  l. 


Scene  VI.]  MACBETH    TRAVESTIE.  33 


Scene  VI. — A  Room  iji  JMacheth^s  Castle. 

Enter  Macbeth,  with  a  newspaper^  followed  hy  two  OJi- 

cers,  R. 

Mac.  Make  me  no  more  reports  ;  will  they  have  never 
done  ] 
The  Thanes  may  go  to  blazes — ay,  every  mother's  son. 
Of  fear  I  need  not  bear  the  taint  or  stain, 
Till  Birnam's  wood  comes  here  to  Dunsinane. 
What's  the  boy  Malcolm  more  than  any  other  ? 
He  was  of  woman  bom,  because  he  had  a  mother. 

Enter  Officer,  r. 

The  devil  damn  thee  black,  thou  pale-faced  figure, 
Who  put  that  chalk  upon  your  face  ? 

OJi.  There's  fifty— 

Mac.  Geese^ 

nigger  ? 

Offi.  Soldiers,  sir. 

Mac.  Go,  wash  your  face,  then  paint  it  red, 

Thou  lily-livered  boy  ! — Soldiers  wast't  you  said  ] 
W^hat  soldiers,  whey-face]  tell  it,  if  'twill  ease  you. 

OJi.  They  are  Macduff''s  black  guards,  sir,  if  it  please 
you. 

Mac.  Go,  cut  your  stick  !   [Exit  OJicer.\  Seyton  ! — at 
*  heart  I'm  sick, 

When  I  behold — Seyton,  I  say,  be  quick ! 

Enter  Seyton,  r. 

Sey.  What  is  your  pleasure,  gracious  sir  ? 

Mac.  What  news  more  1 

SeT/.  All  is  confirmed,  my  lord,  you  heard  before. 

Mac.  I'll  fight  till  from  my  bones  my  flesh  is  hacked. 
Although  it's  hard  to  fight  when  barelv  backed. 
[To  Sej/tofi.]  Bi-ush  !  send  men  out  to  scour  the  country 

round, 
And  hang  upon  a  tree  each  craven  hound. 
Well,  let  them  come — I'm  not  afraid  of  death  and  bane, 
Till  Rim  am  brings  his  trunks  to  Dunsinane. 
Take  in  that  shirt  that's  drying  on  the  outer  walls, 
The  cry  is  ste.'il — so  now  look  out  for  squalls. 


34  MiCBETH   TRAVESTIE.  [Act  II. 

There  let  them  lie,  till  famine  eat  them  up, 
And  worms  upon  them  breakfast,  dine,  and  sup. 

[Scrca?7is  heard. 
What  noise  is  that  1  hear  so  shrieking  loud. 

Sej/.  It  is  the  cry  of  women  in  the  crowd.        [Exit,  l. 

Mac.  1  have  almost  forgot  the  taste  of  fears  : 
The  time  was,  when  a  night  shriek  in  my  ears, 
My  courage  would  have  run  quite  down  to  zero. 
And  a  novel,  too,  which  had  a  dismal  hero. 
Would  rouse,  and  make  my  curly  hair  incline 
To  stand,  like  quills  upon  the  fretful  porcupine. 
But  I  have  supped  of  oysters,  and  'tis  their  nature 
To  make  a  murder  a  most  familiar  creature. 
Their  death  don't  start  me. 

Re-enter  Seyton,  l. 

Wherefore  was  that  cry  ] 
Sey.  The  Queen,  my  lord,  is  dead,  and  I — 
Mac.  She  should  have  died  hereafter,  but  she'll  keep ; 

And  perhaps  to-morrow  I  shall  have  time  to  weep. 

To-morrow — and  to-moiTow — and  to-morrow — 

Aye,  that's  well  thought  of — I've  a  note  to  pay, 

And  the  last  recorded  dollar  to  me  lent, 

Was  yesterday  in  whiskey-punches  spent ! 

Out,  out,  short  candle  !  for  burn  brightly  as  you  may, 

You  cannot  burn  much  longer,  any  way. 

Life's  but  a  walking  shadow — or  a  poor  player  at  most— 

Who  murders  Hamlet  once,  and  then  is  cast  the  ghost. 

Enter  Officer,  wit/i  bill,  r. 

Mac.  How  now  1    thy  message — let  not  thy  tongue 
stand  still. 

Offi.  As  I  stood  looking  at  my  watch  upon  the  hill, 
A  cartman  bade  me  give  you  this  little  bill, 
For  a  load  that  he  brought  you  of  Birnam's  wood. 

Mac.  Liar  !    slave  ! 

OJi.  \ Kneels.]  I  could  not  have  misunderstood  ; 

And  if  it  be  not  so,  why,  take  my  head  and  thump  it — 
I'll  swear  I  saw  him  at  your  door  but  just  now  dump  it. 

Mac.  If  that  thou  liest  and  deceivest  me, 
I'll  have  thee  hung  alive  upon  a  tree, 
A  thing  for  rooks  and  daws  to  pick  at, 


Scene  VI. J  MACBETH   TRAVESTIE.  35 

And  men  and  women  tt)  turn  sick  at.  [Exit  Officer,  r, 

I  begin  to  feel  a  little  odd  about  my  brain — 
"  Fear  not  till  Birnam's  wood  shall  come  to  Dunsinane  !" 
The  fiends  said  that,   and  then  they  all  were  dumb — 
And  now,  behold,  a  load  of  wood  is  come.        [All  draw. 
Ring  the  alarm  bell — let  fall  our  blows  upon  them  thwack. 
At  least  we'll  make  a  stir  up,  though  we  be  driven  back. 

[Exeunt,  r.     Flourish. 

Scene  VII. — The  Battlements.     Alarum. 

Enter  Macduff,  r.  u.  e. 

Macd.  This  way  the  noise  is.     Tyrant,  show  your  phiz ; 
If  any  man  has  slain  thee,  'twere  no  affair  of  his. 
My  wife's  and  childrens'  ghosts  will  haunt  me  still, 
]f  I  am  not  the  boy  this  murderer  to  kill. 
He  should  be  hereabouts,  by  all  this  clatter  ; 
Let  me  but  meet  him,  fortune,  then — no  matter.  [Exit^  L. 

Enter  Macbeth,  l.  u.  e. 

Mac.  Why  should  I  play  the  Roman  fool,  when  I  am 
cast  a  king — 
This  dying  on  my  sword  is  not  a  pleasant  thing. 

Re-enter  Macduff,  l.  u.  e, 

Macd.   Turn,  hell-hound,  turn,  and  have  a  shy  at  me  ! 

Mac.  You  are  the  last  man  that  I  wished  to  see. 
I've  too  much  blood  of  thine  upon  my  hands. 

Macd.  I  have  no  words  to  waste,  so  you  be  hanged. 

[They  fight — -fiourish. 

Mac.  Put  up  your  sword — from  me  you'll  draw  no  cla- 
ret ; 
Your  labour.  Duff,  is  vain,  so  prithee  spare  it. 
I  wear  a  charmed  life,  and  no  mistake  ; 
No  man  that's  bom  of  woman  can  that  jewel  take. 

Macd.  Despair — let  not  that  charm  your  reason  smother, 
For  know,  Macbeth,  I  never  had  a  mother. 

Mac.  Then  damme  if  I  fiorht. 

Macd.  Then  live,  thou  craven  coward,  to  be  a  sight 
For  little  boys  and  girls  to  point  and  jeer  at — 
And  the  noisy  rabble  in  the  street  to  sneer  at. 
Like  balloon  nt  oyster  cellar,  we'll  stick  you  on  a  pole, 


36  MACBETH    TRAVESTIE. 


[Act  II. 


And  underneath  I'll  have  this  wi'it,  upon  my  soul : 
"  Upon  this  pole  behold  a  used-up  man, 
In  every  style,  on  the  Canal  street  plan  !" 

Mac.  I  vv'ill  not  yield  to  be  a  common  sign — 
Upon  my  stew  young  Malcolm  ne'er  shall  dine. 
He  ne'er  shall  gaze  or  gloat  upon  my  roasting. 
Nor  will  I  be  so  raw  as  to  stand  his  boasting. 
Although  a  load  of  wood  was  emptied  at  my  door — 
And  the  man  I  fight  no  -kindly  woman  bore — 
Yet  would  I  face  him  if  he  were  a  score. 
Lay  on,  Macduff,  and  damned  be  he  who  cries, 

NuFF  Ced. 
[Flourish  and  sJiout. —  They  jigJit — Macbeth  is  killed. 
Omnes  ente?'  and  k?ieel  to  Macduff. 

FINALE. 

There  is  no  luck,  about  the  house, 

Although  Macbeth  is  slain  ; 
We've  only  now  to  ask  you  how 

You  like  his  dying  strain. 
'Tis  our  delight,  night  after  night, 

To  give  you  cause  for  laughter — 
If  our  tragic  muse  does  you  amuse, 

We'll  give  you  more  hereafter. 

THE    END. 


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